1. Applying one eye’s worth of winged liquid eyeliner in a flawless, refined way, and knowing before you even start the second that it’s not going to look even remotely similar.
2. Receiving compliments on your hairstyle and trying not to respond, “Thanks! I spent a solid 45 minutes on it and burned my hand in the process!” because you want to look casual and cool.
3. Breaking in your adorable new wedges.
4. Immediately wanting to order the pink, bubbly, fancy cocktails, but feeling judged by the bartender and everyone around you for being so predictable. (But it’s delicious!! And pink!!)
5. Feeling like you can’t leave the house because one of your nails has chipped, and now you have to glance down at it involuntarily every 30 seconds.
6. Not being able to look at websites like Pinterest sometimes, because it’s just going to give you Girly Girl envy, and make you hate yourself for not having the untouchable christmas light headboard game that so many of these girls seem to have.
7. Being irrationally attracted to the most impractical winter coats possible.
Like this one, where are you wearing it? A business meeting with a Disney Princess? It doesn’t matter, you must possess it.
8. When summer comes around, not knowing how to purchase clothes that aren’t “twirly, floral-print dresses” in a hundred different colors, thus sabotaging any fake effort you were going to make towards riding a bike everywhere.
9. Falling desperately in love with a dress in the dressing room without checking the tag (let’s be honest, that was intentional) and discovering that it’s 500 dollars.
10. Realizing that nearly everything you love is 500 dollars somehow.
11. Being so attracted to a bold red lip and how fantastic it can look on certain girls, but then attempting it and looking like a tarted up Helga Pataki.
12. Crying over YouTube beauty tutorials that you can’t recreate. (Why, hairband braid, why must you always escape me???)
13. Wanting to buy jewelry that is just totally unacceptable, but is sparkly enough to get your attention. (On more than one occasion, a trusted friend has had to pull you away from the accessories section of Forever 21 like a junkie.)
14. Constantly alternating between wanting long, flowing, lightly-curled Princess hair, and an old-Hollywood-esque, refined crop.
15. Finishing the application of mascara and/or eyeliner and either blinking too heavily or sneezing, and having your whole upper face look like a Rorschach test.
16. Wearing the most impractical shoes possible, even though you know they’re going to hurt 20 minutes in, and yet somehow being surprised when they start to hurt 20 minutes in.
17. Still occasionally wanting to play with Barbies, and getting more than a little jealous of little girls you see out playing with them.
18. Wanting to lounge around your house in an elegant silk nightie and robe, but usually ending up in sweatpants and a messy bun.
19. Playing dress-up in your own home for the fun of it, and then getting all sad when you realize that you’ve literally spent two hours putting on hair and makeup and a cute outfit, only to have absolutely nowhere to go. (Note: This usually ends in you going out to run errands that you don’t need to do just to get mileage out of your look.)
20. Immediately purchasing pastries that are adorable, without stopping to consider whether they are going to taste good.
21. Feeling that indescribable sense of “being on” when you’re supremely girly, and, even though it’s irrational, never feeling quite the same when you’re not as perfectly put-together.