In today’s world, it seems like literally everyone is into the online dating scene. In fact, my dad found his girlfriend on JDate and they’ve been together for 10 years now. Seeing his success, I have nothing against the online dating culture.
However, let’s be real for a second: Tinder is basically a complete joke, at least in terms of finding “true love” or anything close to it.
I’m sure there are a few good guys floating around on there somewhere, but I think we can agree that the majority of them suck.
From my experience, these are the 10 worst people you’ll encounter on Tinder:
1. The One Who Tries Too Hard
This person just can’t take the hint. In most situations, if I didn’t answer your first message, I probably won’t answer any of them.
Why is it that guys believe that demanding a reason for my lack of response will actually elicit a real response?
2. The One Who Uses The Awful Pick-Up Line
I’m sure that in many cases, the guy sending this is sitting on the couch with his boys, auto-right-swiping with one hand, chugging a Natty Light with the other and sending messages like these as a complete and utter joke.
Or maybe, I’m assuming way too much and guys actually think dumb sh*t like this can really work on a girl. Hint: It doesn’t work.
3. The One Who Reveals Way Too Much In The First Message
Look, dude, if I’m talking to you on Tinder, it’s pretty likely I’m not taking you home to meet my parents, nor will you ever be so involved in my life that you will affect my credit score.
Even if I ever did want to be so ballsy with my relationship choices, why are you bringing up these things in our very first exchange?
I don’t know, maybe some girls are into this whole shameless “lay it all out on the table” kind of approach, but it definitely does not work for me.
4. The Extremely Forward One
For the love of Christ, please STAHP. I know this is meant to be a compliment and all, but could you try to leave something to the imagination?
May I be so bold as to say that a person’s mouth in my holiest of holy places, no matter how skilled said person may be, is not actually enjoyable in an hours-on-end context?
5. The One Who Asks Weird Questions
I’m sorry, how would I rate my what?
What is hippy-ness? Are you asking me how much of a hippie I am? My body’s hip-to-waist ratio? How “hip” I am? Why does the scale only go up to seven? Why is this your first message to me?!
Maybe all the questions I now have are meant to be conversation starters. Clever. Very clever.
6. The One Who Thinks Over-Use Of Emojis Is The Way In
I’m not sure if there’s some widely-held stereotype that girls respond more positively to emojis, but if so, I’ll happily discredit it.
Yes, I use emojis every now and then, but I don’t think an initial message containing nothing more than a creepy pair of emoji eyes is the way to get me to talk to you.
Okay, fine, that Connect Four idea was kind of clever, but unless I’m really into you, I don’t think I’m going to take the time to participate in the game. Sorry, buddy.
7. The One Who Gives Back-Handed Compliments
In what universe is this supposed to make me want to talk to you more?! When girls actually respond to douchebags like this, it only validates another stereotype: insulting a girl = flirting with her.
This doesn’t work, so we should all do what we can to ensure it stops happening.
8. The Straight-Up Creep
Look, I know the cool thing about these dating apps is the fact that you can actually determine a potential match’s proximity, but can we please refrain from directly acknowledging just exactly how many miles separate us?
It’s so creepy; this is why using Tinder in public places freaks me out.
9. The One Who Tries To Guilt Trip You
Ouch, my feelings! What a monster I am to lead on this complete stranger by matching with him on a dating app and not responding at all to his first message!
He seemed like such a good guy, too! I mean, who wants to just cuddle anymore? What a catch, ugh. #TheOneThatGotAway
10. The One Who’s Just Not Making Any Sense
No. No, I have not.