28 Devastating Truths About Adulthood That Nobody Ever Tells You

1. Without warning, all your friends start getting engaged and having babies…

Without warning, all your friends start getting engaged and having babies...

And Facebook becomes a torture device.

And Facebook becomes a torture device.

2. Instead of being reassuring, checking your bank balance is like watching a countdown to homelessness.

28 Devastating Truths About Adulthood That Nobody Ever Tells You

3. There is an expectation that waking up early becomes easier with time. It does not.

28 Devastating Truths About Adulthood That Nobody Ever Tells You

4. You will constantly intend to start going to the gym…

28 Devastating Truths About Adulthood That Nobody Ever Tells You

…Regardless of if you ever actually do.

...Regardless of if you ever actually do.

5. You work tirelessly 60 hours a week to earn money…for your tax collector and landlord.

  

6. And you spend the rest of your money* on attending weddings and baby showers.

28 Devastating Truths About Adulthood That Nobody Ever Tells You

*And vacation days. And emotional bandwidth.

7. No party, no matter how perfect, is as fun as being in bed without pants on.

28 Devastating Truths About Adulthood That Nobody Ever Tells You

8. And no significant other, no matter how compatible, is as loyal as Netflix and Hulu.

28 Devastating Truths About Adulthood That Nobody Ever Tells You

9. You cumulatively spend several years of your life just dusting and vacuuming and wiping things.

28 Devastating Truths About Adulthood That Nobody Ever Tells You

10. You endure a lot of bizarre hair/makeup mishaps…

28 Devastating Truths About Adulthood That Nobody Ever Tells You

Before finally figuring out how you’re supposed to look.

Before finally figuring out how you're supposed to look.

11. Eventually we all turn into our mothers and fathers. Generally, this is a privilege.

28 Devastating Truths About Adulthood That Nobody Ever Tells You

12. Your hangovers will always be far more painful than your drunkenness was fun.

28 Devastating Truths About Adulthood That Nobody Ever Tells You

13. You have to work to acquire things that used to just show up. Like utensils. And trashcans.

You have to work to acquire things that used to just show up. Like utensils. And trashcans.

14. The fairytale romance Disney reared you to want is much less enticing than finding someone who justgets you.

The fairytale romance Disney reared you to want is much less enticing than finding someone who just gets you.

15. When you’re professionally successful, people you haven’t talked to in years suddenly want to be your BFF.

16. And when you’re not, you’re the one sending “hey how’s it going” texts to people you haven’t spoken to in 10 years.

17. You at age 6: “I wanna be an astronaut!” You at age 22: “I’m writing to express interest in your unpaid internship.”

28 Devastating Truths About Adulthood That Nobody Ever Tells You

18. Keeping a written account of your money situation is both useful and incredibly depressing.

28 Devastating Truths About Adulthood That Nobody Ever Tells You

19. Online dating is when you swipe left, swipe right, swipe left, swipe right, swipe left, swipe right, lose hope.

Online dating is when you swipe left, swipe right, swipe left, swipe right, swipe left, swipe right, lose hope.

20. And cooking is when you reheat takeout leftovers and add hot sauce.

   

21. Watching/reading/hearing every cool cultural phenomenon is a full-time job. Relevance is an unattainable myth.

28 Devastating Truths About Adulthood That Nobody Ever Tells You

22. Your interior decor will follow only one unified theme: cheap.

28 Devastating Truths About Adulthood That Nobody Ever Tells You

23. You will never outgrow junk food cravings.

You will never outgrow junk food cravings.

They may just marginally decrease as you grow more and more aware of the state of your arteries.

24. No matter how “over it” you are, you will probably Facebook stalk an ex once or twice a week.

No matter how "over it" you are, you will probably Facebook stalk an ex once or twice a week.

25. You will spend as much time trying to understand what a 401(k) is as you will reaping its benefits.

You will spend as much time trying to understand what a 401(k) is as you will reaping its benefits.

Same for “credit score” and “pap smear.”

26. Everyone is living in a permanent state of inexplicable backache.

28 Devastating Truths About Adulthood That Nobody Ever Tells You

27. And that pair of pants you’ve kept for years because you’re sure you’ll fit back into them someday? Yep, OK, sure.

And that pair of pants you've kept for years because you're sure you'll fit back into them someday? Yep, OK, sure.

28. Youth is fleeting. Nothing lasts forever. Except student loans.

Youth is fleeting. Nothing lasts forever. Except student loans.

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